Sex, Purity and Jolly Ranchers

The writer of this post wishes to remain anonymous. She explores the concept of purity in evangelical culture and in her own life. We appreciate her willingness to tell her story.

Our campus is a pure place regarding sexuality. Outside of the sex talk that happens once a year, I do not feel safe to talk about sex or sexuality on this campus. During candid conversations about sex, everyone expects you to say the “right, pure” answer and basically be perfect, saving all types of sex for marriage. The concept of purity on George Fox University campus sparked my ideas for this post.

Last summer, I was hired on as a counselor at a camp. For training at this camp, the girls and boys were split off for a purity talk. Before beginning the talk, the head counselor, we’ll call her Jill, handed out jolly ranchers to everyone. Then, she started a story of a young girl reaching adulthood and her interactions with sexuality. At the end of Jill’s spiel, she told us to take the jolly ranchers out of our mouth. Jill told us the amount of candy we had left resembled our purity we had left for our husband.

Let’s get something straight here I have had sexual experiences. Depending on what your definition of sex is, I am not a virgin. My definition of sex, fourth base, is intercourse. However, many people in Christian circles say oral interactions, third base, is sex and you are not a virgin because of it. This exercise that Jill walked us through did not feel as redemptive as it could have been because what if you are that girl in the group, like me, who has been to fourth or third base or whatever?

Well, I am here to tell you that I am not proud of the sexual experiences I have taken part in. However, these experiences are part of my journey in finding a healthy sexuality and helped me to understand why God has made me the person I am. I had a friend with benefits for over a year throughout high school. Our relationship entitled sexual favors for each other during the night hours. Our relationship included making out, touching and feeling, and oral sex in his car and in parks. It was fun and I was sexually satisfied by it. I’m not going to lie; we were so close to having sex a number of times. However, we made rules in the beginning and he held to them. I was the one who did not want to have sex because I knew the risks and I wanted to save it for my husband. When our relationship found closure, I found God to fill the gap that he was filling. I still have an emotional connection to him because of our intimacies we shared together even though he has a girlfriend and appears to be very happy. I still have some contact with him via Facebook and we have established healthy boundaries. 

Having these sexual experiences and looking back on Jill’s jolly ranchers symbolization of sexuality, I disagree with the entire concept. If it were true, my jolly rancher would have been dissolved at the age of 14 years old. But now God has found me in my lustful actions. The friend with benefits was the longest standing sexual partner that I had; however, there was so many other guys that I hooked up with to satisfy myself.  God was able to cleanse my soul and life as long as I followed Him. I choose to harness my sexuality instead of flaunt it for anyone who wanted to have it. I have never been a licked on, tiny piece of candy or wrapper to be discarded in God’s eyes. I am whole.